Boo! How’s everybody today? hope you’ve all had a good week and my fellow mums and dad’s havn’t cracked up yet?! My first bit of advice for you is don’t do the depression test in the holiday’s……..you are not depressed, its called kids! Just drink gin and try some of my friend Sam’s home-made carrot cake! its the future and deffinatly has an anti-depressant in it!
Right let’s get to the nitty-gritty stuff. I’ve been doing alot of reading and note taking this week on a number of differnt issue’s, so this weeks blog is a bit of a mixed bag of bits!
As I have a lot of friends that have just had babie’s, trying for babie’s or up-the-duff! I thought i’d share an issue I went through with my first born Freddy. If I ask you when you’ve had the baby “how are you” I mean how are YOU. Not the chubby little cute thing that crie’s! These lovely babie’s are fine, it is the mums emotional and mental health that I worry about. And you guessed it I am talking from experience! When I was 20 I fell pregant, it was a complete shock as I was told I couldnt have children. Anyway I just went with it after deciding against a termination and my pregnancy was fairly normal, boob’s like tambourines, throwing up constantly and swollen feet that looked like monster munch!! It wasn’t my most attractive time in my life! But the hardest part was yet to come. Being a mum. As soon as I had Fred I felt no connection, re-gret and an outta body experience. It was a life that I didnt want. I had to hold him to look “normal” and smile as people gathered round, but I can remeber looking out of the hospital window and thinking, wonder if I could fit out of there and just jump? I wouldnt have to be a mum then and it will all be over in a second. Well I didn’t jump (obvs) but I also made the mistake of not talking either. I bottled it all up and I became totally overwhelmed with visitor’s, people, visitor’s, people,visitor’s people……..I never had a moment to breath and try and connect with this little boy. I couldnt change a nappy without anxiety, I couldn’t give him a bottle without panicking and I just couldnt be a mum. Its the hardest job in the world and I just didnt want to be one. Before I had Freddy my relationship with Paul’s family was great. and Im not speaking out of terms now but when I had Fred I felt overwhelmed with them just being there. I had changed, I pushed them away because I was convinced they were planning on taking him away from me. I didnt want him but I also didnt want them to want them? I felt overwhelmed with the fact that they knew everything about children and I knew nothing. That makes me bad right? NOPE! and I can say no now because I know I was ill. I was suffering post-natal. This all went on for a few year’s. I was awful to be around, hard to talk to, wouldnt except help and just kept on struggling without excepting any form of help.
Im not exactly sure what happened next but I got help and mental health professions stepped in and to my amazment didnt take Freddy off me which I thought they would do! they helped and supported me to feel like a mum but more importantly Kate. Everything is now great, I love my in-law’s dearly, they are my 2nd parents, best friends and people I can trust with every fibre of me bean with my kids. Fred is now nine and I have a daughter now, she is 2. If im honest I find being a mum really hard, I get anxious very easily and everyday I have to keep busy, but I love them both to the moon and back and I know they feel the same about me so I did something right!! What Im trying to get across is, dont panic! If you have a baby or have just had a baby and you dont get that “rush” of love they tell you about, dont worry! I actually think its quite normal. You’re tired, sore and the baby looks minging when it comes out!! but what isnt normal is the sucidal feeling’s, constant anxiety of something will go wrong, people will take my baby away and not feeling anything towards your baby. Just go to your doctors and tell them, and get the help you need. Dont wait aslong as I did. I wish I had because I dont really have many memories of Freddy which makes me feel sad, but now we are making loads!
Who know’s what Mindfullness is? It’s a little gem that helps with anxiety! its very simple and you can do it anywhere at any time! perfect for anxiety because it comes on you when you least expect it. It is being in the here and now and using all our senses. Touch, taste, see, feel and smell. so for example if a horrid intrusive thought comes into you mind…..STOP….aknowledge the thought and deal with it after. What can you see? can you feel you heart pounding, can you smell anything? if you’re holding a cup of hot tea, feel the heat from the cup and taste it. keep your feet on the floor at all times so you feel grounded and safe. keeping busy with all these senses doesnt allow your brain time to think about what is worrying you. But it takes practice. That is why I ask alot of my patients when was the last time you “Just be” just sat with a coffee in the sun, or appreciated that very moment on the sofa in a warm safe house?
Our bodies as Ive learnt are amazing things! and if you dont mind Im just going to pop my geek head on? and tell you about the Autonomic Nervous System. This bad boy is amazing! and when I learnt what it does it helped with my anxiety loads because I knew I was in more control than I thought. The Autonomic Nervous system (ANS) regulates unvoluntary muscles that just do their jobs without us even thinking, such as the heart etc. The ANS is made up of two branches if you like, the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) and the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PSN)
Each have their own jobs. So when your body kicks in to panic mode and your heart begins to race, palms sweat and tummy goes funny etc that is your SNS kicking in, it accelarates your heart rate, constricts blood vessles and raises BP. But the great thing about or bodies is after a little while your PNS kicks in and begins to regulate things again. You will start to feel calm again. You are in control, don’t panic.
See I told you it was a mixed bag of bits and bobs! My advice to you is, learn about your body. No what works for you and doesnt work for you. Dont compare to other’s, you are an individual and bloody brilliant!
Look after yourselves.