So as you may know I’ve been away this week with Paul, the kids and our friends in Aberyswth. I was ready for this as where all of us. No cares in the world apart from food,drink and fresh air.
Day one was fab! It consisted of games, sunshine,walks on the beach and then hot doughnuts in the evening! it Was great. Everyone then tucked up, listening to the rain land on the tent, torches shining through as people scurry to the toilet blocks and the waves crashing in the background. Heaven. So far so good.
The next Day consisted of the same kind of camping stuff! It was great. In the evening I made a big pan of Scouse with crusty bread and butter, it was bloody lovely! The sun was on my face and I was totally chilled. So why on earth did I have a huge panic/anxiety attack that night?
I climbed into bed absolutey fine and dandy! I was in stiches laughing at something Paul had said, until all of a sudden I felt slightly disoriented. I got an acid burning rush in my throat and mouth, I got pins and needles in my arms, lips tingling, could hardly breath, sweating profusely and shaking uncontrollably. It was horrendous, I needed to escape the tent and go home.
I climbed out the tent, it was about 11.30pm, I looked a right divy! I had Pauls trainers on and my sheep dressing gown ( including the ears!!) I looked like a sheep on acid!!! I walked to the toilet blocks and was sick. Trying to calm myself I splashed my face with water and took myself for a walk. I hate this.
I sat outside my tent for a little bit, just looking up at the stars. My anxiety had gone from being a 9/10 down to a 4/10 . I could still feel it, but I was beginning to take back some control. As I had discussed in week 4’s blog, I knew my Parasympathetic Nervous System was kicking in. I was going to be ok. After climbing back in the tent I finally nodded off thank god.
I woke the next morning feeling physically and mentally drained but knowing I needed to keep busy I got straight up and we all headed to the beach for a walk. We skimmed stones, then went swimming and finished the day in the local town mooching around the harbour.
That evening still keeping busy, (god it’s hard work but I can’t suffer with that again) I cooked a bolognase and I put my favourite red wellies on, pink Lippy and walked down to the bar for the cheesy entertainment and a Gin!
My god it was like something out of Benefit street! They had all landed for one night! One woman looked like she’d washed her face with a firework!! Jesus! There’s hope for me!! But guess what, I had no anxiety. Just a bag of Knobby’s nut’s and a few Gins! I was exhausted, but by keeping busy I had done it. Well done me.
What I’m getting at is, if you give into Anxiety it will always win. I could of gone home. You’ll end up feeling disappointed, which reinforces the feelings of not being safe. Or you can fight it. Feel like utter shite for a small period of time and then feel proud of yourself for staying, overcoming and achieving.
With Anxiety we all look at what we don’t have, flip it round. Look at what you do have. These positive things make us feel safe. So what have I learnt about myself this week that helps with this?
- Taking control and owning it. If I want to do something I can. Even if it is in the middle of the night.
- Writting- I love to write, this blog is my saviour! Get yourself a diary and focus on the positive things that have happened in the day.
- Colouring in! Yep that’s right! I’ve discovered colouring books for adults! It’s so therapeutic and it takes up all your concentration.
- Reading- I’m not really a reader but I bought a book from the charity shop, 50p! And I’ve really enjoyed it. It was a form of escapism. It’s called “A Bay of Secrets by Rosanna Ley. Give it a whirl.
Hey listen you lot, really appreciate you listening to me waffle!
Here to help if you need me.
Keep calm and colour in!