The flash comes before the bang!

Helllllooooo!

Well you probably wondered where I was last week? I apologize, I kind of needed a little break.  I had to re-write an entire assignment, crack on with mum stuff, go to work, I needed to not worry about dieting and the house and concentrate on me and my family. So I did!! I got my work done, went to work, met friends for cuppa’s and ate heart warming winter food and then had a pudding!! It was just what I needed and I really did enjoy, but now I am left with feeling “Fat” unattractive and just like an old jelly that’s been left on the party table and forgotten about! So back to it today and taking control.

I saw a picture the other week that I could really relate to, it was like looking at me and my thoughts.  I can never just truly enjoy that cake without feeling utter guilt and squeezing the fat! I can never go to work without thinking ” I hope the kids are behaving and my mum or mum number 2 aren’t to tired” and then having a down day and suddenly being thrown into a surprised state of panic in a totally random place like the school playground and getting that horrible taste of metal in my mouth and having to “deal with it” without looking like a psychopath mother at the school gates wanting to scream for help and an ambulance because I have a pain in my left side and I might die, but then I fart and realize It was just wind! ladies head

So this lady represents my head and every other person in the land that struggles on a daily basis, and this isn’t just anxiety and depression but stress, PTSD, domestic physical and emotional abuse and many more. This lady’s make-up is on, she is dressed, she looks very calm but then her head is a scribble of worry, panic, stress and the dreaded what if’s.

So, how do you deal with these intrusive thoughts?

  • Most people that suffer with “anxiety” for example (this can be applied to any mental health condition) want to get over it quickly Correct?
  • One thing that I have learnt working with people and also myself is when an anxiety attack strikes we want to get over it fast and just forget about it.  We could quite easily have a drink to forget about it, self medicate or just push the thoughts away,yes you will feel calmer but it still happened and now you don’t understand why. When the medication, booze and avoidance goes you are just back in the same place. Let’s discuss it and analyze it. Like I have said before, become your very own teacher.
  • You wont like having to learn about yourself, anxiety, depression, addictions etc none of these are fun, but to move on and take control you must look at these first. Anxiety is a bit like a fear, you are fearful of something happening,  but if you learn about it, you will realize there is nothing to fear.
  • When does your anxiety  increase or decrease?
  • What goes through your mind when you feel the way you do?
  • What are your physical sensations? racing heart, sweaty palms, fuzzy heads, shaking, vomiting, knots in your tummy, numbing in palms of hands of feet? the list really does go on.  It is important that you recognize these sensations so when it happen’s you know what is happening.  This information helps us understand a little bit more about what your anxiety is about and what is the best way to deal with it that suits you.
  • Once you have had a anxiety attack or funny turn look at the thoughts building up to this.  It is these thoughts that then create the BOOM! Try and imagine anxiety as thunder and lightening.  The lightening represents the thoughts,  and because of these shitty negative thoughts the thunder appears and you react the way you do.  If we can replace these lightening thoughts with more realistic and kinder ones to our-selves then are thunder will not bang as loud.

cup of tea

Look after yourselves please, let’s try and tame our fuzzy heads and fill our cup’s a little.

Mucho Love.

Kate xxx

Coping Skill’s

so let’s jump straight in there!

How does everybody cope? and you probably would like to know how I cope? being that I am the professional one here!! well, there is no magic wand, secret or pill that ever gets rid of the mood’s, yes medication helps, that slightly takes the large edge off, but it doesn’t get rid of it completely and that is where coping mechanisms come in to play.  So this week, I have done a bit of research with my friends, friends that struggle with anxiety, depression, OCD, and a few other mental health conditions and I have asked them what they do to cope.  I shall list everything that was said and you can then come back to refer to it in the future if you like;

Coping Skill’s

  • Mindfulness
  • Deep breathing
  • Asking yourself “am I in danger?” if not then move away from that negative thought
  • Is it a problem that you can’t deal with? if yes then why worry? and if you can get extra help, support or guidance then take it
  • Meditation 10 minuets in the morning and 10 minuets each night
  • Following the meditation, repeat positive thoughts
  • Create a “Worry period” 7pm every night, and only allow yourself to worry then for 15 minuets.
  • Exercise
  • Long walks every morning
  • Planning, keeping a diary
  • Writing to do list’s
  • Healthy eating
  • Before bed write 5 things that made you smile that very day
  • Eat Cake!

So there you have it, a nice long list of coping stuff.  And honestly everyone work’s.  If anyone has any other’s please do share with us all, it is important.

My coping skill’s are to eat healthy and keeping fit, that really helps with me and my mood.  That is something I do on a daily basis, but when it come’s to a bit of a crisis point of sheer panic and my mind and body is out of control, for me personally I need fresh air, my feet need to be on the floor so I feel grounded, I have to take the deepest breaths I can possibly do and Imagine I am inhaling my favorite colour and I am blowing out thick black smoke.  As I am lucky enough to know what exactly is going on in my body,  I know I am in more control than I think and this is actually my nervous system playing its part because of my “faulty thinking” and to have faith in it, I will eventually begin to calm down.  And that is my point, we all eventually do calm down.  It might take a few minuets or even 30 minuets but we will be able to reach that point of calm.  Have faith in yourselves and remember we are all in control.

Begin to cope you sexy beasts!

Life is to short,

Kate xxx

Honesty

Hello again,

Thank you again for coming back it means a lot to little old me! So I’ve been writing these blogs now for 14 weeks! and the response I’ve had, has been incredible.  It is being read all around the world, from Canada to Cyprus and Australia to Sweden plus many more.  I’m “buzzin” as we’d say at home! so thank you.  I was asked the other day, why do I think it has been so successful? I answered “honesty”.  Honesty is one of the hardest things to be, do, say and act out.  And when I say honesty I mean by using it in the right positive context.  If myself and other people are struggling with mental health, open up and voice it.  You’ll be surprised.  When I started this blog I was a nervous wreck. Should I say that or shouldn’t I? Should I talk about how I still get urges to cut myself or shouldn’t I? Should I mention the thoughts of never wanting to wake up again or shouldn’t I? excuse my language but “Fuck it” just do it.  I’m sure that who ever is reading this has one friend, a family member, boyfriend, girlfriend, neighbor, brother, sister or parent that will listen?  They will pop the kettle on and really listen. And if you haven’t, go and talk with your doctor.  If you are reading this because you are concerned about somebody that you know that you think may be depressed or suffering in some way and you are not sure how to deal with the situation, you need to be there.  You must acknowledge that you have noticed a change in the person’s mood and that you would love to listen over a coffee! You may find it hard to even say just that,  but if you feel like that imagine how that person feel’s.  I am still not brilliant at voicing how I feel but I am a hell of a lot better than what I was ten years ago. I will still every now and then when somebody asks me if I am ok, I’ll reply with “I’m Just tired” or “Yes fine” with a huge grin on my face!!  It is sometimes easier but inside I’m dying to just say “No actually, I’m a big pile of shite, and I would like to chuck myself in front of the nearest bus today and I don’t care what you think!” But I am getting a lot better now, I will say “I’m ok, just having a down day” so I don’t have to go into great detail but that person know’s that if I am quiet, seem moody or I am not really arsed what you are saying to me! (no offence) they don’t need to take it personally they just know.  So I started this week feeling pissed off with myself and fed up with my head.  It’s tiring living with me and being me and that’s the truth, my family will tell you that! but after last weeks family wedding and I was well, I began to worry about the next thing, the next “what if” I cant actually remember what It was now, it was obviously that important!! But I had a bit of a telling off moment with myself! And I literally said out loud “Kate shut your fucking mouth!!” believe in yourself, except yourself, if you are not happy then change it and more importantly stop comparing yourself.  Comparing is one of my biggest bug bearers, I’m not as slim as her, pretty as her, confident as them, haven’t got a house like you or I’m not “successful” like you.  So anyway, I gave myself a telling off and began to make a few small changes.  I downloaded the DVLA app on my phone and have began to revise for my theory test which I will book at the end of the month, I went back to a slimming class as I have put a bit of weight back on (not a lot but enough where my top button is becoming an issue!) and I have stuck to that and I can feel the difference. I have dug out my Mindfulness book and I’m reading a small bit each day and trying my hardest to live in the moment,  not in the past, not in the future but right here right now on this Monday afternoon.  I’m sat writing this, listening to Radio 2, drinking coffee and feeling grateful for being warm and meeting friends tonight to go boxing.  It’s hard work this Mindfulness stuff but It is really good and I would advice it to anybody.  There is a great little green book called “Mindfulness Pocketbook” little exercises for a calmer life by Gill Hasson.  Give it a whirl, you’ve got nothing to loose. And all these people that say that they just don’t have time, bollocks.  Make time.  If it is important you have to make the time.
So I have been thinking, who would be up for a weekly walking group? bring the kid’s, dog’s whatever.  It is for anyone that is suffering with mental health. It is a chance to be part of a non-judgmental group of people that are all in the same boat,  we can talk, walk and end with a coffee.  It’d be a Sunday.  Let me know what you think.  E-mail, text, Facebook me or strap a note to a pigeon.  Just get in touch and let me know what you think.

Thank you so much for being fabulous!

Kate xxxx