So it’s Sunday, the end of the week and nearly the beginning of a new one. A new one to do what ever you want with, start something new or tackle something you don’t want. Saturday was the first day in a little while I felt down and I had to tackle. I hate weekends as you know anyway, but this Saturday was just a pooh one! Hubby working and my darling little shits have just done nothing but fight, wrestle, scream, moan and complain.
Something happened on Friday to my son, he’s ok but it just kind of took me back to five years ago when he was attacked and he was that vulnerable 4 year old boy and I was innocently sitting at home with a cup of tea. I was innocently sitting at home on Friday until the deputy head phoned me at 10am to say there had been an issue. I won’t go into detail and he is fine but as a mum, I’m an emotional one and that triggered a light bulb in my mind and all those feelings of panic, fear and realisation of not being able to be there all the time for our kids came flooding back. I could smell the hospital room, here the screams, see his little face looking at me and I just felt utter shite and very quiet. So because I felt like that I didn’t want to have to face anyone on Saturday! but tough, I had to.
They wanted to eat and get dressed…….I mean how inconsiderate! I was ok, I got on with the day, didn’t really say anything to anyone and just clock watched for the Hub to get home. I feel slightly frightened that that bad thing beginning with “D” might be coming back?? Depression can kiss my arse! I haven’t got time for it, want it or need it in my life. I’ll take the depression killer pills and keep as positive as possible. So I started this morning with a swim with a mate, 30 fabulous lengths, but I have to say what is it with knob heads over 60 that do the front crawl?? They don’t look where they’re going, splash you in the face! and then they climb out of the pool in the tightest speedo’s I’ve ever seen. Jesus, it wasn’t a nice sight and I wont be eating prunes today put it that way. So It did cheer me up this morning when I swam all my lengths and was home by 10.30am eating Weetabix!
I’m cracking on with working with my head. Instead of dwelling on one bad day, I’ve looked at it from a Birdseye view, there is 7 days in a week and I had 6 where I felt good and hunky dory! So if you ask me that’s really good. If you have a bad day, blip, trip up, fuck up, blah whatever you want to call it, its ok. You’ll get there because you want to but we all have to be tough on ourselves and say “NO” and force yourselves to get moving and plan. I’ll carry on moving this week boxing and walking, I cant wait for the spring and summer to come along so I can get out in the garden, plant some sweet pea’s and feel the sun on my face. I love it.
I have always wanted to go to Brighton Pier! It’s like a dream of mine, and honestly if I won a chunk of money the first thing Id do is go there!!! how sad!! So I did something really brave the other day and gave myself a push, I’ve booked to go for just one night but two full days to Brighton Pier just me and the kids! got a lovely little hotel and we’ll just eat fish and chips, hot doughnuts, play on the pebble beach, check out all the colours of Brighton and play on the Pier!! I can’t wait.
I’m hoping to sit in one of these chairs with an ice cream whilst my two Darlings murder one another…..sorry play with one another and then go and explore and make memories. So 6 out of 7 isn’t bad. How many days have you had? could you improve your number? look at how you can do that. Apparently you can’t sell your children on EBay?!! so I’ve decided to keep them and try my best.
Love You all
Where would you love to go?