6 out of 7 aint bad…….

So it’s Sunday, the end of the week and nearly the beginning of a new one.  A new one to do what ever you want with, start something new or tackle something you don’t want.  Saturday was the first day in a little while I felt down and I had to tackle.  I hate weekends as you know anyway, but this Saturday was just a pooh one! Hubby working and my darling little shits have just done nothing but fight, wrestle, scream, moan and complain.

Something happened on Friday to my son, he’s ok but it just kind of took me back to five years ago when he was attacked and he was that vulnerable 4 year old boy and I was innocently sitting at home with a cup  of tea.  I was innocently sitting at home on Friday until the deputy head phoned me at 10am to say there had been an issue.  I won’t go into detail and he is fine but as a mum, I’m an emotional one and that triggered a light bulb in my mind and all those feelings of panic, fear and realisation of not being able to be there all the time for our kids came flooding back.   I could smell the hospital room, here the screams, see his little face looking at me and I just felt utter shite and very quiet.  So because I felt like that I didn’t want to have to face anyone on Saturday! but tough, I had to.

They wanted to eat and get dressed…….I mean how inconsiderate! I was ok, I got on with the day, didn’t really say anything to anyone and just clock watched for the Hub to get home.  I feel slightly frightened that that bad thing beginning with “D” might be coming back??  Depression can kiss my arse! I haven’t got time for it, want it or need it in my life.  I’ll take the depression killer pills and keep as positive as possible.  So I started this morning with a swim with a mate, 30 fabulous lengths, but I have to say what is it with knob heads over 60 that do the front crawl?? They don’t look where they’re going, splash you in the face! and then they climb out of the pool in the tightest speedo’s I’ve ever seen. Jesus, it wasn’t a nice sight and I wont be eating prunes today put it that way. So It did cheer me up this morning when I swam all my lengths and was home by 10.30am eating Weetabix!

swimming ladies

I’m cracking on with working with my head.  Instead of dwelling on one bad day, I’ve looked at it from a Birdseye view, there is 7 days in a week and I had 6 where I felt good and hunky dory! So if you ask me that’s really good.    If you have a bad day, blip, trip up, fuck up, blah whatever you want to call it, its ok.  You’ll get there because you want to but we all have to be tough on ourselves and say “NO” and force yourselves to get moving and plan.  I’ll carry on moving this week boxing and walking, I cant wait for the spring and summer to come along so I can get out in the garden, plant some sweet pea’s and feel the sun on my face.  I love it.

I have always wanted to go to Brighton Pier! It’s like a dream of mine, and honestly if I won a chunk of money the first thing Id do is go there!!! how sad!! So I did something really brave the other day and gave myself a push,  I’ve booked to go for just one night but two full days to Brighton Pier just me and the kids! got a lovely little hotel and we’ll just eat fish and chips, hot doughnuts, play on the pebble beach, check out all the colours of Brighton  and play on the Pier!! I can’t wait.

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I’m hoping to sit in one of these chairs with an ice cream whilst my two Darlings murder one another…..sorry play with one another and then go and explore and make memories. So 6 out of 7 isn’t bad.  How many days have you had? could you improve your number? look at how you can do that.  Apparently you can’t sell your children on EBay?!! so I’ve decided to keep them and try my best.

 

Love You all

Where would you love to go?

Kate xxxxx

 

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Anxiety is like a pair of boobs

Anxiety….

What is it? what does it want? where has it come from?

Its a massive pain in my arse.  I hate it.  It used to consume my every move not so long back.  I would make plans around it “Just incase” or “What if” I would cancel friends, nights out and in extreme cases I’d hurt myself just to release some of that feeling and tension in my body.

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Anxiety can be controlled

 

In the past I’ve locked  myself in many bathrooms in different parties with an empty bottle of beer, smashed it and then cut myself.  Just to  release that feeling of panic, because I look different, my thighs are bigger that hers, look how confident she is, I bet she doesn’t have anxiety…..blah blah blah.   Look its all bloody bollocks when it comes to bodies and images and shapes and sizes.  I can see that now, and its not to late.  One of the first things with anxiety I would say if self acceptance, If you like you then you’re a lot tougher than you think.  I love nothing more than seeing a larger beautiful lady, rocking the bright pink lippy, multi-coloured Kaftan and laughing so loud and happily her confidence within her shines like sunbeams out of the pours in her face!!! And then you see a lot of girls that look a lot like a pencil and they’re buzzing because they’ve only licked an apple today and had half a tin of Tuna! but these girls, not all of them  but a lot of them are missing something.  Personality, confidence, self-acceptance and happiness.  “Things”  don’t make us  happy, Money doesn’t make us happy, lots  of friends don’t make us happy.  Its YOU that makes YOU happy.  The other stuff helps, but having the right mind set and self-acceptance is the biggest thing in life you can have.

Anyone from any background can get anxiety.  But anxiety is often triggered off by something.  It is a fear, you have felt threatened.  Some people don’t know why they have this anxiety, but your mind will.   You may of witnessed something on telly, in mums and tots or read something and unconsciously your brains have taken that on board and owned it like it was “Your” thought.  And then there is the people like me who know full well where their anxiety has come from.  Very quickly, mine was from my sons Incident in 2010 where he was put in hospital, then a wheelchair and on the last day he was brought home by Ambulance, nurses and a bed was waiting downstairs for him, but I was ill.  I had a 24 hour bug and I couldn’t be there for him.  I was devastated.  So now if I get ill or even so much have a sore throat I panic.  “What if I get ill and cant be a mum” five years down the line it still gets me but I’m dealing with it.  I know people that struggle with anxiety that has been a reaction to a loved one dying, just from becoming a new parent, work overload, stress, nursing loved ones, being attacked on a daily basis by aggressive parents which now effects them today as grown ups.

So how does it effect them? here is a list of common side effects of anxiety that I have come across

  • Complete numbing in hands,  arms, feet and even the rudey area
  • Metal taste in mouth
  • Headaches
  • Weight gain
  • Dizziness
  • Weight loss
  • Vomiting
  • Lack of sleep
  • Sweaty palms
  • Heavy breathing
  • Dry mouth
  • Urge to hurt self
  • Shaking

I came across somebody that once had all of these symptoms.  I’m glad to say she eventually managed to gain control back and basically said fuck off to anxiety.   It is possible.  I do it everyday nearly.  It likes to pop up and say “hiya” whilst I’m relaxing, out enjoying myself and just remind me “Don’t forget about little old me Kate”.

Just this morning I received  a message off a client I used to see that was consumes with anxiety and the what if’s and she message me from the other side of the world, in a Yoga retreat by herself! How amazing is that!! I’m telling you anxiety can go, and if it doesn’t go it can be controlled.  I control mine by keeping busy, seeing friends, woman boxing class, walking, gardening, reading and writing and more if I can fit it in!! if it makes you happy, do it.  If you know someone with anxiety and you’re not sure how to deal with them or approach it just remember this.  The simplest things of life for you can be the most difficult and challenging for them.  Talking to people, parking the car, putting the bin out, going to work, looking in the mirror the list goes on.   So you may not understand it and why should you if you’ve never experience it? but please empathise with them and listen to what that person is telling you.  They will eventually achieve what they have set out to do but they may just do it differently and that isn’t wrong.  5+4=9 and 8+1=9 they both get exactly the same result but they have just done it differently, you must except that.  If you push someone that is anxious then they wont do it and could result in an attack.  So support them let them know you are there to support, listen and most importantly they just need to take their time.   Only when that person feels heard, and understood will they then push themselves to try new challenges and push themselves because they are ready.  Not you.   I don’t think I’ve felt this good and mentally well for a long time and if I put a figure on it Id say at least before my son was born so 10 year plus! I’m made up.  So lets stop ignoring those people you don’t quite understand, or may lock themselves away.  They all need help.  Mentally Health is fascinating, so get talking about it and learn about the power of the mind.

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Anxiety can be controlled, it can be dealt with and you can live with anxiety.  Anxiety is like a pair of boobs or a ball’s! what ever you have! but you don’t always think about it,  you never forget you have it but you live it with.  You wear the right thing to make it comfortable! and I wear acceptance.  I accept that it may always be a part of my life, I accept it may sometimes be worse than others but I know if I use my safety blanket of talking, being open, drinking plenty of water, eating well, exercise and treating myself once in a while Ill be ok.  If you look back on the times in your life when you where extremely anxious I bet you can now see that actually it was ok?! Its never as bad as it seems.  But when It is as bad as what  you first thought, you dealt with it.

Look after you minds,

Kate

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Opening up and eating cake!

How do you deal with someone you love if you think they are suffering with depression? 

Depression is a dark, lonely and scary time in that persons life. The most important word there is “Lonely”. Imagine for just a second you’re sat in a room on your own, thinking about how vile you think you are, how nobody really cares about you, and contemplating harming yourself or suicide, and if we choose to not saying anything just incase we upset that person then we will reinforce the fact that they are lonely. I understand it may be awkward, I understand they may not want to listen but by starting the ball rolling is the Begining of a possibility of change and a guide towards the light at the end of the tunnel. 

There are many reasons we can get depressed and sometimes there are no reasons at all, it can just happen. So don’t blame yourself if you’ve got it, don’t blame others for getting it, and don’t see it as a sign of weakness either because it isn’t any of these. It is a genuine recognised illness along with cancer, heart conditions and so on. The bloody ball ache about mental illness is its the unknown. How long will I have it for? Can you be “fixed”? And how do I explain it? The answer to these are all different im afraid we are all different so healing times and experiences are different. At first I fought against mine, I was angry. And I told myself that I’d be better soon and it will go away. I did “get better” but because I didn’t understand it, it came back. And it kept coming back. So my advice to you, your friends or neighbours would be, begin to except. Except the fact depression maybe a part of your life, just like a cough and cold. You are not depression. You are not Mental Health. You are a whole person and that “Whole self” is a collection of things. Depression is just one of them. 

So what do you do? Aknowledge it’s there. Admit that you are struggling and are ready to feel brighter. Let that someone know that you are there to support them and not judge. It’s because you respect that person you have chosen to speak up. Depression can’t be beaten by sitting in all the time or lying in bed and never moving. So try and get that person or yourself to go for a walk with you regularly but make sure it’s a safe environment and not jam packed full of people. This is a good start, moving the body and mind. 

How is their diet? Believe it or not but if you constantly eat crap you feel crap. We all know are bodies better than anyone so you may need 3 good meals a day, little and often but whatever it is eat well. 

Sleep. How’s the sleep? Broken, can’t get off at all or waking in the middle of the night. These are all signs of depression. And shutting themselves away. When was the last time you saw this person? Heard from them? Or see them smile and give you eye contact instead of putting their heads down? Really try and think. Because if you are concerned about someone, save them, help them because one day it might just be you.  

  

  • So go outside
  • Feel the sun, wind or rain on your face
  • Plant something colourful in the garden and watch it grow
  • Laugh with friends
  • Meditate
  • Excersize
  • Eat right and feel right
  • Take your pills
  • Look at today not tomorrow
  • Set goals
  • Friends are for good times but also for hard times. Share. 
  • Learn to say No
  • Learn to say Yes! 
  • Eat Cake
  • Be honest
  • Take life a step and day at a time

You can have your cake and eat it! You are in control of you. 

Be who you want to be and choose Happy

Kate xx 

Bollocks to the What ifs!

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Hello there and a super duper happy new year!!

Hope you all had a good one whatever you where doing, myself hubby and the kids ate Chinese, played hide and seek in the dark, played the “Yes & No” game and then I was holding a bowl whilst my daughter puked!! So all in all your typical family night in.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve loved  Christmas and new year, but I’m ready to get back to normal, chuck the kids into school and eat a salad instead of Double decker’s and Gin! So then, I’ve had a lot of texts and e-mails over the festive period of people really struggling with their anxiety attacks, feeling panicky and totally overwhelmed and out of control with their feelings.  Well you all thought you where on your own but trust me you where not.  Anxiety takes up a lot of our energy, the mind is ticking away constantly with “what if’s” and fearful thoughts or images, we lock ourselves away and alienate ourselves from the world when things are bad. So how can you stop it? how can we take control and kindly tell it to fuck right off?! Well what do you love? What do you want? Now is the perfect time, its January.  The time for making new beginnings.  But make them achievable.  If you live your life everyday in the “What if’s” you are giving away your hard earned energy to something shite and that may not happen.  Give something fabulous your energy,  take up a new hobbie, make a new friend, do you want you kids to learn the piano or start swimming lessons?  absorb your time into that.  If you are busy and starting something new, your mind is needed for that.  It isn’t possible to concentrate on something and have an anxiety attack at the same time.

Soon it will be the spring, get out in the garden, yard, window ledge or whatever it is you have and make it pretty, get green fingered and grow some veggies!! come on people! The world and life in general is out of our control, but our lives aren’t. So do something new and do what you love and make’s YOU happy.

One of my new goals that I will chuck myself into is an anxiety group.  Anyone is welcome, I’m yet to confirm a meeting place but its for anyone that feels anxious about an impending interview or so anxious the thought of stepping out and meeting a new face makes them want to curl up and die! You are all out there and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a few and they have all wished there was a group that they could go to, have a cuppa and a Jammie dodger and chat with like minded people. So if you are interested, contact me on here, Facebook, Twitter, e-mail or text so I can begin to add numbers.

I am feeling top drawer at the moment! I’m still taking my med’s,  I shout out if I need help, I’m eating well and overdosing on green tea but also indulging in a few short breads and a cuppa once the girl child has fallen asleep!!

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Well then, my top tips for you and YOUR NEW YEAR………

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS

Start the new year as you mean to carry on, If you have been feeling depressed, anxiety is taking over, obsessive thoughts, hearing voices, feeling suicidal, extreme mood changes etc then tell a friend that you trust and go and see your doctor.  Take the first step for you.

EXERSIZE

I know you hear it all the time, but trust me.  Get moving, get out in the fresh air, join a class and burn off those nasty thoughts in your head.

GET A HOBBIE!

Sounds silly, but do something new.  Give yourself a new challenge that you have always wanted to do and concentrate on that instead of the “what ifs”

 

COLOUR 

They are all out there, buy yourself a colouring book, sit in a comfy place that you love and use all the colours of the rainbow.  Its really therapeutic! I love it.

HAPPY DIARY

This is something I do every evening, even when I’m in a black dark day.  I write down in my diary 3 things that made me smile that day.  It can be the most simplest of things, the five minuets peace with a cup of hot tea or painting my nails in the garden! Its just a little thing for you to look back on, so when you do have a dark day and you think that there’s nothing to make you smile, there is.

IT’S OK TO SAY NO!

Saying no is hard, especially if you are a people pleaser.  I understand you want to make people happy and help out to make their life easier, but if you say yes to everything you’ll begin to resent people, feel exhausted and burn yourself out.  Its ok to say no.   Saying no can be just as important as saying yes.

So look after yourselves, make a great start to the new year, colour in and get moving!

Mucho Love

Kate

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