Big Pebbles

Stress!

It’s a word used a lot lately.  Everyone is stressed because they have work, a family, sometimes 2 or 3 jobs, kids going to all different clubs and events, members of the family to take care of and the list goes on.  But what is healthy stress? and what is unhealthy stress? We all need healthy stress in our lives because it gives us the kick up the arse to get jobs done,  blood pumping and gives us a sense of purpose.  Going to work gets us up, showered and a sense of responsibility, coming home and cooking the family tea then going for a run in the evening or meeting a friend.  These are all healthy and are balanced well.  But if you begin to feel stressed these are some of the symptoms;

  • Headaches
  • Dizzy spells
  • Lack of appetite
  • Struggle getting off to sleep or staying asleep
  • Lack of concentration
  • Low sex drive
  • Depression symptoms
  • Low energy
  • Upset tummy
  • Aches, pains and tense muscles
  • Rapid heartbeat and chest pains
  • Coughs and colds
Stress is a killer so it is important to recognise these signs and work with them.  Woman in general face stress better than men.  This isn’t a blanket statement though because there are a lot of fella’s out there that do cope and cope well.  But woman are talkers, we put the kettle on with friends, chat to the stranger at the bus stop and are just more open when It comes to our problems.  In the UK 12 men a day take their own life,  the numbers are sadly rising as the economy has struggled.  To much stress on money, being in debt, being the “man of the house” attitude and struggling with body image and worrying to much about others and not enough energy on themselves.  To much stress can;
  • Damage your immune system and heart
  • Increase your chance of developing serious health problems
  • Reduce life expectancy
  • Damage your sex life
  • Don’t want this to happen? get talking then.  If you can’t tell a mate, then go to your doctor fellas.
I am seeing a lot of people these days that are massively stressed. Some are top directors of big companies, surgeons or parents of a few children and living off benefits and unsure of where the next meal is coming from.  Stress is stress and it doesn’t pick certain types of people.  It can bite any of us of the bum.  When working with the client, I like to  look for their triggers.  What gets you angry? What are your thought patterns? Do you expect everyone to think your way? Then I’ll look at lively hood.  How’s your sleep, diet, exercise and friendship circles.
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The Pebbles in a jar theory!
This is a theory I like to use when working with people dealing with stress, but it can also be applied to depression and anxiety.  I’ll take a jar and place in the jar some chunky pebbles.  Ill ask my client if the Jar is full.  They reply yes.  So these pebbles represent the important things in your life such as, partner’s, children, family, passions, friends and health.  I’ll then pour in some tiny pebbles, these fill in all the little gaps.  These tiny pebbles represent your job, house and car.  Is the jar full? Yes.  But then Ill pour in sand, which then fill in the even smaller gaps!! And then to finish it off when you thought it was full, Ill pour in a glass of water which represent the even smaller things.  Always concentrate on the big pebbles because if everything else was gone at least your jar would still be full.  And just because you can fit it in your life, it doesn’t mean you have to.  Next time you are about to take something on, do that overtime, take on another job at home ask yourself just because it fits in your jar does it have to?
Look after yourselves and your jars!
Kate xx
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Another week and processed chicken nuggets

So who sais motherhood is the best thing in the world? Sometimes it is when they play nicely and we are all having quality family time, but what about the days like today (Sunday) my back has gone “Twang” I am home alone with the kids and my daughter currently is the spawn of the devil,  trust me.  She doesn’t listen, cheeky and eats every second of every day just like a hoover, except a hoover I can pop in the cupboard.   Now because I am her mother I am aloud to say this stuff and I know my friends feel the same about there kids!! I saw a post on Facebook the other day saying “Cherish your children as they are a gift, so embrace their tantrums, sleepless nights and felt-tip on the walls”. Bollocks to that, I’m sorry but I can’t quite embrace that one.  I love my two, honestly, whole heartedly and would choose them over cake any day, but the thought of having another one makes me feel slightly sick.  I am done with having babies, done with being on my own all weekend, done with working my life around the kids and I am done with buying bumper packs of processed chicken nuggets!  I want to be able to really enjoy my weekends, meet a friend for a coffee or liquid lunch on a Saturday without being accompanied by a girl child that has stuck a marshmallow up her nose and needs to snot it out.  Id like to get to know Kate again, earn more money,  and be able to get my nails done without feeling guilty.  But do you know what?  I know how incredibly lucky I am.  Married, a child of each flavour and I wouldn’t want them not to be in my life.  Just sometimes though I could drop them off at the Salvation Army!  We laugh a lot, play a lot and have fun.  Maybe I could work full time, but then I’d want to be at home.  Maybe I could meet friends every weekend but then Id feel guilty for leaving them.  I think this is normal?  Oh well, in only 5 months and 4 weeks ( not counting ) my daughter goes to school full time!!!! bye bye!!  I’m telling you, motherhood should come with a instruction booklet and an emergency help line.

So how have I been?  ok actually. Not bad, I haven’t had any dark thoughts, certainly no thoughts of suicide and not even wanted to cut.  And If I haven’t felt like that with my daughters behaviour lately then that’s good enough for me.  One thing I have found that I just absolutely love, is painting.  I’ve always been an artistic person and I love colour so a few cheap canvases and oil paints I’m off.  I don’t think about a thing, I just mix all my favourite colours that clash and hope for the best.  Another thing I love is gardening! its food for the soul,  and today has been lovely. I sat with ice on my sore back and potted some plants, the sun was beaming on my face, I was drinking green tea and little miss was whizzing up and down the street at a 100mph on her bike, covered in mud, with no shoes on! and Cornflakes in the back in case of emergency!! That was nice.  So if you can manage your mental health and I mean manage it don’t ignore it then you will always win.  If you choose to ignore it and hope for the best its not great.  Feel good about life, don’t beat yourself up about wanting to hand your kids into the Sally Army, every mum in the land has at some point.  Even my super strong, I can babysit a million kids, incredible and never get stressed mother-in-law Margy broke at some points when her 3 where growing up! So its fine.  But talk to someone, please.

Manage your mental health

  • Get outside every day
  • Invest in your friends
  • Eat well
  • Tell the truth
  • If you are on medication, take it.
  • Read a good book
  • Buy Gin
  • If something goes wrong, tell someone and talk about it
  • Get a job, and if you can’t work then get a hobby
  • Eat Chocolate Hob-nobs they make the world seem a happier place
  • If you feel sad, then tell someone.

 

Love K.K.K Katie, your D.D.D Darling

xxx

Ten years of survival

Happy Monday!

 

Hope everyone is ok.   Today is my birthday! I’m the grand old age of 31.  Its been 10 years since my 21st birthday and I was pregnant feeling like my world was over and I wouldn’t be able to cope.  Its the 10th year of surviving motherhood and the 31st year in my life.  I’m quite proud of myself surviving 10 years of motherhood, because I just regretted having my son so much at the time, god I was overwhelmed with fear, panic and rejection. I’m being  brutally honest now, but we where going to have an abortion.  It felt like the right thing to do, we had no money and no clue.  All booked in and off to hospital we went.  silence the whole way there.  My name was called out and off we went into a room with a nurse. She asked a million questions, are you sure? have you thought this through? the list goes on. She handed me the pill with a cup  of water.  I hesitated and Paul said stop.  We can do this, I don’t know how but we will do this.   We stood up and walked out.  Walked out with a life, a terrifying future but the best decision I have ever made. But I did have to fight some battles.  What have I done? Who is this little pink thing that I’ve never met? If he cries what does it mean?  I didn’t even know what or how to feed him because breast-feeding for me was out of the question, just because of confidence I suppose.  My hubby’s mum made the first bottle and showed us what to do and I remember feeling so crap,  I don’t even know how to do that.  Its a pride thing.  But I did get through it! From a one bedroomed flat being 21 with a mortgage, baby and a long term boyfriend I was scared.  Scared out of my pants. I began to pick things up, I was bouncing Freddy on my hip and tidying up at the same time. Just like mum said I would.  And here I am, 10 years later.  Fully bonded! fed, watered and grown into an amazing young lad and I can honestly say one of my best friends.  Not bad for a girl that was going to jump out the hospital window on July the 7th 2006.  I had a really honest chat with Freddy the other day about my head and what goes on,  I told  him when I had him I really struggled and was so scared. He said he doesn’t remember, and then went on to ask for some Cornflakes!! That made me realise, when it all seems so real in our heads, and your thoughts almost feel naked, it’s just us.  Others do not realise.  So be kind on yourselves.

 

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So what else has been happening this week apart from birthdays and mothers day?! Sod all. I’m working hard, looking after myself and trying every day to like what I am.  Try and like yourselves.  Just a little if you can, it makes life easier, work easier and I always remember my lovely granddad saying, “The only make-up a girl needs is her smile”

Wear your smiles and be brave.

Thank god  I was brave.

Birthday girl xxx