Don’t ride the wave if it isn’t there

Evening all!

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Long time no see.  Sorry I haven’t been around for a few weeks, I have been a busy little bee with work, kids, life, gardening, re-vamping furniture! You name It I have done it.  So like I always say to you lot, I have listened to my body and my mind,  it is tired and needs a little TLC.  So it got it.  I’ve indulged in foods, done bugger all exercise apart from walking the legs off myself and just appreciated the little things, like my garden, cooking dinner and all sitting together around the table and listening to the kids fight over who finished their dinners first and my youngest announcing she heard dad say F**k in the car! I nearly chocked on my chicken nugget!

Mental health,  do you ever really ask yourself “how is mine?” We know how our physical health is, because we ache if we have done to much, take time off work if we have been ill, may get a headache due to stress or not eating enough food but Mental health is an odd one.   It expresses itself in funny ways, think about that person that may come across as odd, peculiar, over-powering, angry, stand-off-ish and maybe craving attention from male or females, now these people may just be utter idiots or they could be struggling themselves with an inner demon.  Its only because I work within mental health, deal with it daily and pop a tiny white pill every day that controls those chemicals in my swede that makes me think about you lot, care about you lot and drive you all mad when I see you out and ask if you really are ok and don’t ask about the kids because really as much as I love your scrumptious new smelling babies I love your minds more. I know that, that baby is being kept alive by someone that loves them unconditionally but who is loving you unconditionally?  Imagine your minds are like your bodies.  They need exercise. They need to be stretched and nurtured.  How do you stretch your mind? Well push yourself.  Give yourself a goal or target you would like to achieve within 3 months.  Mine is to drive, I’ve passed my theory test a week ago and now my driving test is booked! Its good to have something to focus on and be busy with instead of work, kids and the house.  My other goal is to go to India! soak up the culture, drown in the colours and visit the Taj Mahal.  That’s a plan a bit further away, but I will get there.  One of the hardest things I think I’ve ever done is getting through the first few years of motherhood.  I look at their baby photos and think they are just amazing but I wouldn’t go back there, didn’t enjoy that bit really I  just saw every day as another lap completed.  Now I am enjoying it, no buggy, no nappies, no nappie bag/suitcase, no night-feeds and no potty training.  Some people love that, not me.  I love this bit, the full blown conversations, them being able to tell me what’s up and not have to guess and having a laugh and doing things with them that makes them think I’m quite cool and me think the same about them!! My kids are cool and we are great friends as well as  me being Mum.  But I am only good now because my mental health is good.  God I hope it stays this way, its been a while now and I feel so normal its great! So, this week how will your mental health be? be conscious of how you feel, don’t be proud  of suffering and not telling anyone, where the point in that? To be scared shows you feel something, to be sad means you love, to be depressed means you want to care and feel love and to have anxiety means you care to much.  Its just one wave at the moment,  ride it.  it goes, don’t worry if another wave is coming.  You cant ride it if it isn’t there.  Start today, have a word with yourself and choose happy.

Lots of love……

Kate

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Odd socks and A stars…..

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So I’m sat here and I’ve decided to write.  Its Saturday afternoon I have nothing planned, the house is a mess with just toys, odd socks and empty cups of tea.  The kids have friends around and I’m sat down with a Green tea listening to the Radio and talking to you!! If this was say 5 months ago I wouldn’t be sat here with an empty mind quite happily embracing the mess, I would be crying, tidying, making sure the house is perfectly fit for any surprising visitors and Id be doing all of this thinking about either chucking myself down the stairs or just walking out the house and never returning. Mad hey. A lot has changed, I’m feeling good and a friend said to me this morning over a cuppa “You look like the old Kate” was good to hear and as soon as she said that I realised I felt it.  It had just happened!!   So this week it has been brought to my attention the stress kids are under with their GCSEs.  Its bonkers, when I was in school if you got a C it was celebrated, you had passed! But now a C is still a pass but it just isn’t good enough.  How sad.  God I think I only got one C maybe two? I’ve got no idea but according to my CV I got six!! a good blag never hurt anyone! I wasn’t an academic person, a lot of my friends weren’t either. All I cared about was making people laugh even if it meant getting sent out of class, lunchtime and home time! then meeting mates outside the sweetshop and arranging to “Tap off” with a certain lad!!!  Then I went on to college and did a pile of stuff I didn’t want to do and lasted 5 minuets there. So into the big wide world of getting £4 an hour and playing on a till!! Ok I know this isn’t a great example, but if I hadn’t of done that I wouldn’t of met my hubby, gone down the path of depression or had my kids young. This was my lesson in life and Its the one I’ve learnt the most in. It sounds like I’m happy with going down the depression route, which in a strange way I am.  Its got me to where I am today,  It has made me a better person, good friend and very empathic and understanding.  But I’m e I’m only saying this because I’m currently well and feeling good.  If its a dark  time I wont be thankful for it.  I’m lonely, scared and hate everybody and everything but mainly myself.  The GCSE time for me was the time I first began to get ill, not because of stress because trust me I wasn’t, but Just because a few of my friends where quite well off, they where going places and as shallow as it is, they were all tall, slim and pretty.  I was far from that at that age.  And we all know how important it is the “Fit in” I had red Dr Martins and round colourful glasses!!   So yes make sure you are revising if you are of that age its important, It makes applying for jobs easier, your future easier and life in general doors just open a lot easier.  BUT and its a big but, if you fail that doesn’t mean you are a failure.  If you get a D or an F you are still an A*.  These grades don’t define you as a person they just reflect the amount of work you put in that’s all.   You can resit if you like, get a job or go back to college when you are older and know exactly what it is you want to do.   Your lesson might not be in the class room, it may be outside in the fresh air, inside with a paintbrush and creating art, it may be with your trainers on and bottle of water or you may have a flare or eye for hair, make-up, design, people or travelling and seeing the world.  Who knows but there is a lot out there.  Life is a funny thing.  And I suppose I’m a odd character! Id rather sit on a park bench with a homeless drunk and hear about his or her day than a stuck up tit in a suit with no life experience!

Some things that some people have been through are tragic, dark and down right devastating.   There is no magic cure for that.  You will never get over such traumatic experiences, but you will learn to live with them. All you can do is start small.   Day by day.  Breath, drink plenty of fluids, eat small portions, lay off the booze and drugs if you’re self medicating and more important…..talk.

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How can you make your life better? How could you feel happier? Life isn’t about being strong,  and I don’t see anyone as weak.  We all have had our own battles.  Talk about it, face it, tell someone, tell your doctor, take medication if its what you want, don’t take medication if you don’t want, get moving, don’t dwell, make the best of what you can and except that whatever you are is enough.

Be Just as nice to yourself as you would with your friends.

You deserve it……unless you’re a shit!

Kate

Be happy with the tiny stuff…..

Welcome back!

Sorry I wasn’t around last week, I needed the week off, and I thought seen as everyone else is enjoying the bank holiday I was going to as well! So how are we all? I hope your minds and mental health has been behaving? Mine has been good. I had a mini melt-down last week all because I’ve gone back to work part time, and I’m loving it. But the whole business of juggling the kids and childcare for the first time in ten years took its toll.  My hubby at the end of the week asked me how I was and I cried and cried and cried! Not because I’m unhappy, but just because of the stress of sorting it all out.  But its worth it.  The next day I went for a coffee with my mum, I cried then as well! But that was like therapy for me.  We sat, talked, I told her what was pissing me off all whilst dunking my mini shortbread in my Skinny Latte surrounded my little old ladies in Marks and Spencer’s!!

So not a lot I’m pleased to say has happened to me, I am keeping well, taking my medication so I don’t loose the plot, going to the gym most mornings, eating well but then relaxing and enjoying cake and toast at the weekends.  Most of us strive to be happy.  That is all we really want in life, that along with health and a little more cash but if we are happy then it makes all of the other stuff seem tiny.  In my line of work, I deal with a lot of unhappy people, but its not depressing believe or not.  We laugh a lot, talk about things they love and haven’t done for a long time and its a whole hour set aside for them to sit back in a comfy chair and talk about themselves.  Everyone could do with Therapy. And the best bit is when you begin to see them smile.  When they talk about simple things like the sun was shining on their face, like they had been chosen! You can see they are not striving for massive gestures.  As I am sure we have all seen the quote that says Happiness is not a destination, it is a way of life.

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I love this.  We have all done it.  Even miss positive pants here.  If I just had a bit more money I’d be so much happier,  If I had a new car I would be happy,  If this anxiety goes I would be happy.  But what If you don’t get any of  those things does that mean you wont ever be happy? No. Because happiness isn’t a destination.  Be happy with the things you have,  in that very moment.  I was out walking in Wales today, just me my hubby and the kids.  We had our wellies on and you couldn’t here anything apart from the kids laughing and the water from a stream.  That was happiness.  I love the Radio,  I often sit with a coffee and just listen.  That’s happiness.  Stop looking for it, because your missing it without even realising.

Ask yourself, what is your therapy? who do you offload to? and what do you do that makes you feel happy? And if you don’t no, or the answer is nothing then that needs to be sorted out.  We are not emotionless robots, we are human beings.  Its ok to be angry, sad, happy and anxious.  They are normal emotions,  what’s not ok is ignoring them. Don’t ignore them anymore.

I feel a lot more in control this week.  I hope you feel the same. Look after yourselves enjoy that small happy thing and don’t think about tomorrow.

Lots of love.

Miss Positive Pants!

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