There wasn’t a label on your arse when you where born!

Eh up!

Happy bank holiday Monday peep’s, all well? The sun has been shining, the BBQ’s have been out and so have the legs, but thats ok.  Not everything can be great!!

So as you know my passion is “mental health”.  Mental Health consists of thousands of different conditions, reactions, lifestyles, medications and coping skills.  Seriously there is plenty, you’ll of heard of the common ones such as Stress, Depression, Anxiety, Bi-polar,  PTSD, PTS. The list goes on and on and then each of those conditions has their own reactive behaviours, shaking, self-harming, avoidance, neglecting self, sickness and dizzy spells and again there are plenty more of these.  Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of,  you don’t feel embarrassed walking round with a cast on your leg, or telling someone you have a heart condition.  Mental health is exactly the same, it isn’t a sign of weakness  its just one of those things.  When you’re suffering with lets say depression, it is very easy to get stuck into a negative cycle:

negative-thinking-cycle-Yu-Takizawa

Its as simple as this.  One big negative cycle that just goes round and round, you aren’t thinking clearly or rationally, so anything will do.  If this is left and nothing is done about it, thats when depression can really in-bed its self.   Mental health needs to be fought,  you can’t sit back and wait for it to heal or book yourself into fracture clinic in 6-8 weeks and get the plaster off.  In-fact with mental health you may never be able to take the plaster off.  Im aware that mine will always be there, hopefully most of the time tucked up in bed. The key is acceptance, accept the fact that you suffer with whatever it is your suffering with.  Don’t push it away, don’t ignore it.  I hate labels, if we where suppose to have labels then I’m sure they would of been stuck on our arse at birth! We are what we are. The good, the bad and the ugly! I am 31 year old Kate, with lots of strengths and weaknesses I am not Depression and Anxiety, they are just a part of the bigger picture.  Don’t let your weaknesses define you.  You define you.

I get the fact that not all the time we can feel positive, some days are a bag of shit, but be realistic and rational.  Will it last forever? Most probably not, remember as quick as that black feeling came, it goes.  Im not asking you to be all “happy clappy gospel” on me! But for gods sake be kinder on yourselves.  If we where supposed to suffer on our own then why is there billions of humans on the planet.  Talk to someone, do something that makes you happy and if that means cake, then do it.

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Are you a worrier or a stressful person? does being like that help in any way? if it does, great.  It must be a healthy amount that is giving you the adrenaline you need to get motivated, but if it’s a hindrance  and you’re unwell with it then take a look at the positive thinking cycle.  It’ll make you think.  Because if you think it will be a bad day, month, evening etc then you’ll feel anxious, fed up, shaky and the actions of this are avoidance.  You’ll avoid conversation, you may come across rude or angry and it just makes life harder.

Physical health is connected to mental health, so get moving more, smile more and talk whilst you walk.  I think its been about 7 months now for me having tip-top mental health! I have my anxious days but I am aware of what is happening and I take control.  Seven months ago I wanted to throw myself down the stairs and never wake up.  I was ready to walk out on the lot, husband, kids, family, friends and my home.  The feeling of depression and blackness was much stronger than the feeling of love.  The blackness hurt and ran threw me like oxygen and I just couldn’t get out of it.  But I did, and it really didn’t take long.  Just telling my mum and heading to the doctors was half of the weight lifted.

positive-thinking-consumes-you

Don’t let whatever it is that consumes you and controls you, become your identity.  Grab it by the balls and kindly tell it to “fuck off” stare it straight in the eyes and turn your life into a good one, one worth shouting about and one that makes you see at least one good thing everyday.

now go shout! I’ll catch you next week.

 

Kate x

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Chocolate and Fags help stress levels, a Birkenhead study found….

Hi all!

First of all I would like to apologise for last Monday! Utter blonde moment, I hit the delete post instead of publish……dope.  Ok, so I am back working now as you know, I started at 10 hours and all of a sudden have jumped to a 28 hour contract. Not a lot I know but with two kids a marriage and a house to keep my beady eye on its tough.  My daughter is being a super-cow, she is playing up big time because I am back at work but she’s going to have to get on with it because We like the extra cash, I need to escape and have no pleasure in being a full time mummy. I trained for years to do the job I do and I love it.  So soz Phoebe but I got to do, what I got to do.  I take my hats off to you full time working parents because I really don’t know how you do it? How do you cope? I suppose its a case of having to.  The first week of doing this I cried every night,  felt guilty every night and told myself off for going back to work and trying to make a career.  Are the kids at risk of feeling neglected? Will everyone think Im a bad mum? Is it all a bit to soon? If it is a bit to soon then thats the way it has to be.  Ive been offered a job that Ive worked damn hard for, a pension, salary and holiday and sickness pay.  Its not often they come up is it? So Thats the way it is.  I am adjusting to life, my slow cooker is on over-drive and I am so organised with uniforms and meal plans that I reckon I could be a personal assistant.

I am in such a caring job and the people I work with are super caring, so everyone is looking out for everyone so we don’t all melt at once!! I’m asked on a daily basis “are you looking after yourself?” It’s great, it reminds me that I’m not on my own as I work with other mums and dads and It forces me to relax and makes me realise how important it is to de-chill, pamper yourself and just do anything that makes me smile.  Im thinking of taking up smoking, smokers get to go outside more and the release on their face when they inhale and puff  out looks amazing! So my chill times are Saturday, Sundays and Mondays.  I love them.  I don’t do an awful lot to be honest, I just do some gardening, natter to my mate over the wall ( she lives next door, she doesn’t just knock about in the entry with a can of Strongbow!) roast dinner at mum and dads and just chill with the family.

So how are you looking after yourself? because I’m well aware there is a lot of you that just aren’t.  Everyone just seems to be on burn out? And doing this whilst eating crappy food. so get eating well you lot, if you keep putting petrol in a diesel car then eventually there will be no turning back.  Stress Seems to be going on a lot in the workplace, why don’t bosses realise that if they look after their staff then the staff will look after the customers.  My hubby is pushed and pushed and pushed, with no please, thank you’s or kiss my arse.  Just do it. He hates it, because he hasn’t been looked after.  So if work isn’t that great, look at how you can manage that.  Step down, speak to your line manager, reduce your hours or get in a union and get advice.

I read a fact the other day which I can really understand how it gets to that point is “Highly stressed women have a higher tendency for suicide, particularly working mothers who lack support and understanding for others, than most women with moderate levels of stress”.  Im lucky though, I’ve got amazing support around me and even I found juggling hard with the support.  So if you haven’t got support, then please look after yourself.  I love my job but can you imagine feeling that way and hating your job.  Not good.

Did you know that chocolate and cocoa which are rich in antioxidants have been know to reduce stress?? good hey.  But unfortunately it makes your arse swell and pants shrink!

cup of tea

This is true, you can’t pour from an empty cup.  How are you supposed to give your all if you haven’t got anything to give?

Fill your cups up, take a breath and talk with your friends.

Kate x

Don’t ever break a plate…….

“Don’t confuse my bad days as a sign of weakness, these are the day’s I am fighting the hardest”

Love this, it popped up the other day on my news feed and It rang true with me.  My shitty days are the days I have to work really hard.  Making a cup of tea is hard, trying to think of something to do is hard and even thinking is hard.  So if you come across someone that is struggling and they look weak, just remember that they are fighting something damn hard.

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As a counsellor I’m coming across people on a daily basis that have no confidence and they just despise themselves because of other peoples actions.  They may of been beaten black and blue or abused but all of them say that those scars heal.  They go away but the memories don’t and the emotional abuse stays and sticks to you like a horrible gloopy glue that they can’t shift.  They would take another beating if it meant the thoughts and feelings about themselves and how they perceive the world would change.  Anger is rife.  Angry because they couldn’t stay in control of the situation they where in,  angry that they couldn’t stop it and angry that it had to be them and that they feel their life is over.  Some people say leave, walk away, just say no, hit back, stand up for yourself and the list goes on but think of the consequences that may happen and what if they are children? What would you say then? See its hard isn’t it.  It easier to build up a child with confidence and love, than it is to repair an adult.  So remember every child grows up to be an adult and every adult was once a child, so treat people the way you would want to be treated, and treat little ones right so they smile as and adult.

Let me tell you whats not ok;

  • To be humiliated in public
  • To be forced to do something you don’t want to do
  • To be told you are ugly or unattractive
  • To be told nobody will ever love you the way your husband/wife or partner does
  • To be forced to choose between your partner and your family and friends
  • To be controlled
  • To be made to feel guilty for somebody else’s anger or issues they carry.  It is their issue and not your fault.

If you can build up your own confidence, a friends confidence and just learn to say “I’m ok, I am just enough” then that is a great place to start.

Give this a thought!

Grab a plate and throw it on the ground;

Okay, done?

Yes

Did it break?

Yes

Now say sorry to it

Sorry

Did it go back to the way it was before?

No?

Get it? if you break something or someone, it will never go back to how it was before.  So look after people.  Even if you don’t understand why, just hear what that person is saying.  They feel hurt for some reason, listen to them and ask what is it you can do to help.

So lets build that confidence of yours, we all have weakness’s but we all have strengths too.  What are you good at? do you make people smile? have you got good patience?  Start to blow your own trumpet! Answer the following;

  • I like my……..because…..
  • I am an expert at…
  • I feel good about…..
  • My friends would tell you…..
  • My best personal quality is…

Visualise Success

Sit somewhere where you have total silence. Imagine a situation you have coming up for which you need more confidence, now run through that whole event through your minds eye and don’t leave out any details.  Starting with the smallest of things like the journey there, are you driving, getting the bus or walking? Don’t leave out any detail and use every sensation that you have.  What will you be hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting and touching and run through this film over and over again in your head and often as possible and prepare yourself. Don’t let your struggle become your identity.  Just be you and i’ll just be me.

head full of fears

So sit back, make yourself a drink and think about what you could build on, mind, body or soul.  You choose.

Kate xxx

 

Happiness is in the small things….

What is Happy? We aren’t born happy, we don’t know what happy is when we are born, we are just mini humans that only care about the basic instincts such as food, water, air to breath and sleep.  So happiness is a feeling/behaviour that we have learnt.  If we are smiled at we smile back, if we are around people laughing its infectious like a yawn, we laugh to.

Happy is an emotional response to a positive moment, a reflection of somebody that has said something nice, done something nice, a song that brings back a memory the list goes on.  In us we all have a “baseline” my baseline is very low, small things make me happy such as a good cup of tea, seeing my plants grow, making my nan laugh or seeing the local big head wanker who is driving round in the latest BMW trip up in front of a load of school kids!! it was amazing!! you see small things!!! But some people have a higher baseline,  they see happiness as success, money, holidays. Don’t get me wrong, those things make me feel happy to but I don’t rely on them to feel good.  What if you loose all the big stuff and end up going on camping holidays or no holidays, does that mean you wont be happy? If that’s you, you should practice Mindfulness.  Be “Mindful” of that amazing slice of cake you’ve just cut yourself;

  • Taste it
  • Feel it on your tounge and your pallet
  • Feel it going down into your tummy
  • Its all about appreciating the little things and tuning out to the big stuff

What was the last little thing that made you happy? Mine is right now.  Its Sunday, I’m listening to the radio and my daughter is fast asleep next to me.  Silence is happiness!!

If you are reading this and haven’t felt happy for a while do you know why? Is there anything at all you can do to make things easier? drop a day in work? exercise more? speak to someone that may be involved and if you cant change it, if its something really bad then one of  the best things you can do it just breath and accept.  Take it all not just a day at a time but an hour at a time and go back to basics, enjoy the little things in that hour with the people that make you happy and bring the best out in you.  Life is a funny old thing but a special thing that we only get one shot at.

Being happy starts with the way you think.  Are you  a glass half empty kind of person or full? I live with a half empty person! My hubby as much as I love the bones off him, always see’s the negative, he’s the same level all the time, he looks no different to when he is excited to when he is sad! he just plods on in life and takes the rough with the smooth.  Where as me if I’m angry you know, if I am sad I cry, if I’m happy I smile the rest is obvious.  But we balance one another out, I hurt easily  and take everything to heart! And I’m like a child and get really excited and he calms me down.  But I like to think I make a lot of people happy.  The more happy you make yourself and yes you can make yourself, the less likely you are to suffer anxiety and depression.  You can’t be happy and have anxiety at the same time, you cant be happy and depressed at they same time.  They’re two different emotions.  So choose happy as much as you can.

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Think of your best possible self.  Do a visual board.  This is where you create a piece of artwork if you like filled with stuff that you want in life and that makes you happy.  So for example on mine I would  have a picture of a nice size family home,  a picture of myself, hubby and kids, a heart to represent good health, a picture of someone laughing to represent happiness,  the colour purple because everything should be purple if I was the queen, the list goes on and on.  Stick anything on that you want out of your life.  Pop it in a prominent place so you see it everyday.  If something is visual then you are more likely to achieve it.

If something is upsetting you and you feel down then maybe there is a underlying problem that may require therapy.  So go, talk to your GP and get the help you need as well as building on yourself.  Imagine how good you could feel in a few months time.  I haven’t felt my best at all this week,  I’ve been eating and drinking well, work is great we are all happy but juggling the kids is hard.  Each week having to find childcare is tough I dread it.  But it has to be done, I’m going to work, I love my job, it enables us to save for a house and it keeps me sane to feel a part of something and needed.  Not just under my roof.  But I realise sometimes the things you love need fighting for and each week I have a little battle of who to ask and what to do.  But I always get it covered and sorted so I should no not to worry.

If you don’t feel happy today, Ill try to make you smile now with some pointless facts!

  • When two otters fall asleep they hold hands! So if they float away they wont loose each other!
  • A shrimps heart is in its head!
  • A crocodile cant stick its tongue out
  • If you keep your eyes open by force when you sneeze, you could force an eyeball out!!!

If you can’t be fully happy today, just try a little bit.  Appreciate the little things and the big things are just bonus’s

Kate xxxx