“Don’t confuse my bad days as a sign of weakness, these are the day’s I am fighting the hardest”
Love this, it popped up the other day on my news feed and It rang true with me. My shitty days are the days I have to work really hard. Making a cup of tea is hard, trying to think of something to do is hard and even thinking is hard. So if you come across someone that is struggling and they look weak, just remember that they are fighting something damn hard.
As a counsellor I’m coming across people on a daily basis that have no confidence and they just despise themselves because of other peoples actions. They may of been beaten black and blue or abused but all of them say that those scars heal. They go away but the memories don’t and the emotional abuse stays and sticks to you like a horrible gloopy glue that they can’t shift. They would take another beating if it meant the thoughts and feelings about themselves and how they perceive the world would change. Anger is rife. Angry because they couldn’t stay in control of the situation they where in, angry that they couldn’t stop it and angry that it had to be them and that they feel their life is over. Some people say leave, walk away, just say no, hit back, stand up for yourself and the list goes on but think of the consequences that may happen and what if they are children? What would you say then? See its hard isn’t it. It easier to build up a child with confidence and love, than it is to repair an adult. So remember every child grows up to be an adult and every adult was once a child, so treat people the way you would want to be treated, and treat little ones right so they smile as and adult.
Let me tell you whats not ok;
- To be humiliated in public
- To be forced to do something you don’t want to do
- To be told you are ugly or unattractive
- To be told nobody will ever love you the way your husband/wife or partner does
- To be forced to choose between your partner and your family and friends
- To be controlled
- To be made to feel guilty for somebody else’s anger or issues they carry. It is their issue and not your fault.
If you can build up your own confidence, a friends confidence and just learn to say “I’m ok, I am just enough” then that is a great place to start.
Give this a thought!
Grab a plate and throw it on the ground;
Did it break?
Now say sorry to it
Did it go back to the way it was before?
Get it? if you break something or someone, it will never go back to how it was before. So look after people. Even if you don’t understand why, just hear what that person is saying. They feel hurt for some reason, listen to them and ask what is it you can do to help.
So lets build that confidence of yours, we all have weakness’s but we all have strengths too. What are you good at? do you make people smile? have you got good patience? Start to blow your own trumpet! Answer the following;
- I like my……..because…..
- I am an expert at…
- I feel good about…..
- My friends would tell you…..
- My best personal quality is…
Sit somewhere where you have total silence. Imagine a situation you have coming up for which you need more confidence, now run through that whole event through your minds eye and don’t leave out any details. Starting with the smallest of things like the journey there, are you driving, getting the bus or walking? Don’t leave out any detail and use every sensation that you have. What will you be hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting and touching and run through this film over and over again in your head and often as possible and prepare yourself. Don’t let your struggle become your identity. Just be you and i’ll just be me.
So sit back, make yourself a drink and think about what you could build on, mind, body or soul. You choose.