Odd socks and A stars…..

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So I’m sat here and I’ve decided to write.  Its Saturday afternoon I have nothing planned, the house is a mess with just toys, odd socks and empty cups of tea.  The kids have friends around and I’m sat down with a Green tea listening to the Radio and talking to you!! If this was say 5 months ago I wouldn’t be sat here with an empty mind quite happily embracing the mess, I would be crying, tidying, making sure the house is perfectly fit for any surprising visitors and Id be doing all of this thinking about either chucking myself down the stairs or just walking out the house and never returning. Mad hey. A lot has changed, I’m feeling good and a friend said to me this morning over a cuppa “You look like the old Kate” was good to hear and as soon as she said that I realised I felt it.  It had just happened!!   So this week it has been brought to my attention the stress kids are under with their GCSEs.  Its bonkers, when I was in school if you got a C it was celebrated, you had passed! But now a C is still a pass but it just isn’t good enough.  How sad.  God I think I only got one C maybe two? I’ve got no idea but according to my CV I got six!! a good blag never hurt anyone! I wasn’t an academic person, a lot of my friends weren’t either. All I cared about was making people laugh even if it meant getting sent out of class, lunchtime and home time! then meeting mates outside the sweetshop and arranging to “Tap off” with a certain lad!!!  Then I went on to college and did a pile of stuff I didn’t want to do and lasted 5 minuets there. So into the big wide world of getting £4 an hour and playing on a till!! Ok I know this isn’t a great example, but if I hadn’t of done that I wouldn’t of met my hubby, gone down the path of depression or had my kids young. This was my lesson in life and Its the one I’ve learnt the most in. It sounds like I’m happy with going down the depression route, which in a strange way I am.  Its got me to where I am today,  It has made me a better person, good friend and very empathic and understanding.  But I’m e I’m only saying this because I’m currently well and feeling good.  If its a dark  time I wont be thankful for it.  I’m lonely, scared and hate everybody and everything but mainly myself.  The GCSE time for me was the time I first began to get ill, not because of stress because trust me I wasn’t, but Just because a few of my friends where quite well off, they where going places and as shallow as it is, they were all tall, slim and pretty.  I was far from that at that age.  And we all know how important it is the “Fit in” I had red Dr Martins and round colourful glasses!!   So yes make sure you are revising if you are of that age its important, It makes applying for jobs easier, your future easier and life in general doors just open a lot easier.  BUT and its a big but, if you fail that doesn’t mean you are a failure.  If you get a D or an F you are still an A*.  These grades don’t define you as a person they just reflect the amount of work you put in that’s all.   You can resit if you like, get a job or go back to college when you are older and know exactly what it is you want to do.   Your lesson might not be in the class room, it may be outside in the fresh air, inside with a paintbrush and creating art, it may be with your trainers on and bottle of water or you may have a flare or eye for hair, make-up, design, people or travelling and seeing the world.  Who knows but there is a lot out there.  Life is a funny thing.  And I suppose I’m a odd character! Id rather sit on a park bench with a homeless drunk and hear about his or her day than a stuck up tit in a suit with no life experience!

Some things that some people have been through are tragic, dark and down right devastating.   There is no magic cure for that.  You will never get over such traumatic experiences, but you will learn to live with them. All you can do is start small.   Day by day.  Breath, drink plenty of fluids, eat small portions, lay off the booze and drugs if you’re self medicating and more important…..talk.

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How can you make your life better? How could you feel happier? Life isn’t about being strong,  and I don’t see anyone as weak.  We all have had our own battles.  Talk about it, face it, tell someone, tell your doctor, take medication if its what you want, don’t take medication if you don’t want, get moving, don’t dwell, make the best of what you can and except that whatever you are is enough.

Be Just as nice to yourself as you would with your friends.

You deserve it……unless you’re a shit!

Kate

Be happy with the tiny stuff…..

Welcome back!

Sorry I wasn’t around last week, I needed the week off, and I thought seen as everyone else is enjoying the bank holiday I was going to as well! So how are we all? I hope your minds and mental health has been behaving? Mine has been good. I had a mini melt-down last week all because I’ve gone back to work part time, and I’m loving it. But the whole business of juggling the kids and childcare for the first time in ten years took its toll.  My hubby at the end of the week asked me how I was and I cried and cried and cried! Not because I’m unhappy, but just because of the stress of sorting it all out.  But its worth it.  The next day I went for a coffee with my mum, I cried then as well! But that was like therapy for me.  We sat, talked, I told her what was pissing me off all whilst dunking my mini shortbread in my Skinny Latte surrounded my little old ladies in Marks and Spencer’s!!

So not a lot I’m pleased to say has happened to me, I am keeping well, taking my medication so I don’t loose the plot, going to the gym most mornings, eating well but then relaxing and enjoying cake and toast at the weekends.  Most of us strive to be happy.  That is all we really want in life, that along with health and a little more cash but if we are happy then it makes all of the other stuff seem tiny.  In my line of work, I deal with a lot of unhappy people, but its not depressing believe or not.  We laugh a lot, talk about things they love and haven’t done for a long time and its a whole hour set aside for them to sit back in a comfy chair and talk about themselves.  Everyone could do with Therapy. And the best bit is when you begin to see them smile.  When they talk about simple things like the sun was shining on their face, like they had been chosen! You can see they are not striving for massive gestures.  As I am sure we have all seen the quote that says Happiness is not a destination, it is a way of life.

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I love this.  We have all done it.  Even miss positive pants here.  If I just had a bit more money I’d be so much happier,  If I had a new car I would be happy,  If this anxiety goes I would be happy.  But what If you don’t get any of  those things does that mean you wont ever be happy? No. Because happiness isn’t a destination.  Be happy with the things you have,  in that very moment.  I was out walking in Wales today, just me my hubby and the kids.  We had our wellies on and you couldn’t here anything apart from the kids laughing and the water from a stream.  That was happiness.  I love the Radio,  I often sit with a coffee and just listen.  That’s happiness.  Stop looking for it, because your missing it without even realising.

Ask yourself, what is your therapy? who do you offload to? and what do you do that makes you feel happy? And if you don’t no, or the answer is nothing then that needs to be sorted out.  We are not emotionless robots, we are human beings.  Its ok to be angry, sad, happy and anxious.  They are normal emotions,  what’s not ok is ignoring them. Don’t ignore them anymore.

I feel a lot more in control this week.  I hope you feel the same. Look after yourselves enjoy that small happy thing and don’t think about tomorrow.

Lots of love.

Miss Positive Pants!

stay-positive

 

 

Big Pebbles

Stress!

It’s a word used a lot lately.  Everyone is stressed because they have work, a family, sometimes 2 or 3 jobs, kids going to all different clubs and events, members of the family to take care of and the list goes on.  But what is healthy stress? and what is unhealthy stress? We all need healthy stress in our lives because it gives us the kick up the arse to get jobs done,  blood pumping and gives us a sense of purpose.  Going to work gets us up, showered and a sense of responsibility, coming home and cooking the family tea then going for a run in the evening or meeting a friend.  These are all healthy and are balanced well.  But if you begin to feel stressed these are some of the symptoms;

  • Headaches
  • Dizzy spells
  • Lack of appetite
  • Struggle getting off to sleep or staying asleep
  • Lack of concentration
  • Low sex drive
  • Depression symptoms
  • Low energy
  • Upset tummy
  • Aches, pains and tense muscles
  • Rapid heartbeat and chest pains
  • Coughs and colds
Stress is a killer so it is important to recognise these signs and work with them.  Woman in general face stress better than men.  This isn’t a blanket statement though because there are a lot of fella’s out there that do cope and cope well.  But woman are talkers, we put the kettle on with friends, chat to the stranger at the bus stop and are just more open when It comes to our problems.  In the UK 12 men a day take their own life,  the numbers are sadly rising as the economy has struggled.  To much stress on money, being in debt, being the “man of the house” attitude and struggling with body image and worrying to much about others and not enough energy on themselves.  To much stress can;
  • Damage your immune system and heart
  • Increase your chance of developing serious health problems
  • Reduce life expectancy
  • Damage your sex life
  • Don’t want this to happen? get talking then.  If you can’t tell a mate, then go to your doctor fellas.
I am seeing a lot of people these days that are massively stressed. Some are top directors of big companies, surgeons or parents of a few children and living off benefits and unsure of where the next meal is coming from.  Stress is stress and it doesn’t pick certain types of people.  It can bite any of us of the bum.  When working with the client, I like to  look for their triggers.  What gets you angry? What are your thought patterns? Do you expect everyone to think your way? Then I’ll look at lively hood.  How’s your sleep, diet, exercise and friendship circles.
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The Pebbles in a jar theory!
This is a theory I like to use when working with people dealing with stress, but it can also be applied to depression and anxiety.  I’ll take a jar and place in the jar some chunky pebbles.  Ill ask my client if the Jar is full.  They reply yes.  So these pebbles represent the important things in your life such as, partner’s, children, family, passions, friends and health.  I’ll then pour in some tiny pebbles, these fill in all the little gaps.  These tiny pebbles represent your job, house and car.  Is the jar full? Yes.  But then Ill pour in sand, which then fill in the even smaller gaps!! And then to finish it off when you thought it was full, Ill pour in a glass of water which represent the even smaller things.  Always concentrate on the big pebbles because if everything else was gone at least your jar would still be full.  And just because you can fit it in your life, it doesn’t mean you have to.  Next time you are about to take something on, do that overtime, take on another job at home ask yourself just because it fits in your jar does it have to?
Look after yourselves and your jars!
Kate xx

Another week and processed chicken nuggets

So who sais motherhood is the best thing in the world? Sometimes it is when they play nicely and we are all having quality family time, but what about the days like today (Sunday) my back has gone “Twang” I am home alone with the kids and my daughter currently is the spawn of the devil,  trust me.  She doesn’t listen, cheeky and eats every second of every day just like a hoover, except a hoover I can pop in the cupboard.   Now because I am her mother I am aloud to say this stuff and I know my friends feel the same about there kids!! I saw a post on Facebook the other day saying “Cherish your children as they are a gift, so embrace their tantrums, sleepless nights and felt-tip on the walls”. Bollocks to that, I’m sorry but I can’t quite embrace that one.  I love my two, honestly, whole heartedly and would choose them over cake any day, but the thought of having another one makes me feel slightly sick.  I am done with having babies, done with being on my own all weekend, done with working my life around the kids and I am done with buying bumper packs of processed chicken nuggets!  I want to be able to really enjoy my weekends, meet a friend for a coffee or liquid lunch on a Saturday without being accompanied by a girl child that has stuck a marshmallow up her nose and needs to snot it out.  Id like to get to know Kate again, earn more money,  and be able to get my nails done without feeling guilty.  But do you know what?  I know how incredibly lucky I am.  Married, a child of each flavour and I wouldn’t want them not to be in my life.  Just sometimes though I could drop them off at the Salvation Army!  We laugh a lot, play a lot and have fun.  Maybe I could work full time, but then I’d want to be at home.  Maybe I could meet friends every weekend but then Id feel guilty for leaving them.  I think this is normal?  Oh well, in only 5 months and 4 weeks ( not counting ) my daughter goes to school full time!!!! bye bye!!  I’m telling you, motherhood should come with a instruction booklet and an emergency help line.

So how have I been?  ok actually. Not bad, I haven’t had any dark thoughts, certainly no thoughts of suicide and not even wanted to cut.  And If I haven’t felt like that with my daughters behaviour lately then that’s good enough for me.  One thing I have found that I just absolutely love, is painting.  I’ve always been an artistic person and I love colour so a few cheap canvases and oil paints I’m off.  I don’t think about a thing, I just mix all my favourite colours that clash and hope for the best.  Another thing I love is gardening! its food for the soul,  and today has been lovely. I sat with ice on my sore back and potted some plants, the sun was beaming on my face, I was drinking green tea and little miss was whizzing up and down the street at a 100mph on her bike, covered in mud, with no shoes on! and Cornflakes in the back in case of emergency!! That was nice.  So if you can manage your mental health and I mean manage it don’t ignore it then you will always win.  If you choose to ignore it and hope for the best its not great.  Feel good about life, don’t beat yourself up about wanting to hand your kids into the Sally Army, every mum in the land has at some point.  Even my super strong, I can babysit a million kids, incredible and never get stressed mother-in-law Margy broke at some points when her 3 where growing up! So its fine.  But talk to someone, please.

Manage your mental health

  • Get outside every day
  • Invest in your friends
  • Eat well
  • Tell the truth
  • If you are on medication, take it.
  • Read a good book
  • Buy Gin
  • If something goes wrong, tell someone and talk about it
  • Get a job, and if you can’t work then get a hobby
  • Eat Chocolate Hob-nobs they make the world seem a happier place
  • If you feel sad, then tell someone.

 

Love K.K.K Katie, your D.D.D Darling

xxx

Ten years of survival

Happy Monday!

 

Hope everyone is ok.   Today is my birthday! I’m the grand old age of 31.  Its been 10 years since my 21st birthday and I was pregnant feeling like my world was over and I wouldn’t be able to cope.  Its the 10th year of surviving motherhood and the 31st year in my life.  I’m quite proud of myself surviving 10 years of motherhood, because I just regretted having my son so much at the time, god I was overwhelmed with fear, panic and rejection. I’m being  brutally honest now, but we where going to have an abortion.  It felt like the right thing to do, we had no money and no clue.  All booked in and off to hospital we went.  silence the whole way there.  My name was called out and off we went into a room with a nurse. She asked a million questions, are you sure? have you thought this through? the list goes on. She handed me the pill with a cup  of water.  I hesitated and Paul said stop.  We can do this, I don’t know how but we will do this.   We stood up and walked out.  Walked out with a life, a terrifying future but the best decision I have ever made. But I did have to fight some battles.  What have I done? Who is this little pink thing that I’ve never met? If he cries what does it mean?  I didn’t even know what or how to feed him because breast-feeding for me was out of the question, just because of confidence I suppose.  My hubby’s mum made the first bottle and showed us what to do and I remember feeling so crap,  I don’t even know how to do that.  Its a pride thing.  But I did get through it! From a one bedroomed flat being 21 with a mortgage, baby and a long term boyfriend I was scared.  Scared out of my pants. I began to pick things up, I was bouncing Freddy on my hip and tidying up at the same time. Just like mum said I would.  And here I am, 10 years later.  Fully bonded! fed, watered and grown into an amazing young lad and I can honestly say one of my best friends.  Not bad for a girl that was going to jump out the hospital window on July the 7th 2006.  I had a really honest chat with Freddy the other day about my head and what goes on,  I told  him when I had him I really struggled and was so scared. He said he doesn’t remember, and then went on to ask for some Cornflakes!! That made me realise, when it all seems so real in our heads, and your thoughts almost feel naked, it’s just us.  Others do not realise.  So be kind on yourselves.

 

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So what else has been happening this week apart from birthdays and mothers day?! Sod all. I’m working hard, looking after myself and trying every day to like what I am.  Try and like yourselves.  Just a little if you can, it makes life easier, work easier and I always remember my lovely granddad saying, “The only make-up a girl needs is her smile”

Wear your smiles and be brave.

Thank god  I was brave.

Birthday girl xxx

I’m invisable!

Ok dokes!

So guess what? my thighs rub together when I walk ( which can be lethal with nylon knickers) my belly wobbles when I cough, my tummy has white squiggly lines on from having two humans grow in there ( how clever am I?) and when I wave my bingo wings almost come up and smack me in the face! but does all these things mean I cant like myself and you can’t like me? Or to feel confident about going out? because that’s exactly what has happened to me this week.  Me and my hubby haven’t exactly  been the best of friends lately and the kids just constantly want me to do 24 hour shifts in the kitchen, un-paid making endless amounts of toast, cereal and pasta-bakes, well let me tell you this you lot. That just isn’t happening!! I feel positively vile about myself this week, but with experience I know that as quick as I feel yuk I can feel fabulous.   So after a lot of silent treatments, arguments and honest conversations the house is a better place! It is equal again.  I got up this morning and went for a run, had my Weetabix and green tea and I aim to do that every morning.  Start the day for something that is just for me.  I was home for 7.30am, so enough time to grab a shower and the crack on with my morning shift in the kitchen!!

Another Monday, I cant believe how quick these weeks go.  So what have you done with your week? I’ve met a few people this week that have survived! survived a week of motherhood with a baby on the boob and a toddler destroying the gaff, survived working full time and coming home and then being a dad, survived another week of living on your own after being married for over 60 odd years, survived a racing heart beat and intense feelings of fear because you might just get ill and survived the boss from hell that they might accidentally on purpose one day just high five them  in the face…..with a chair!!!  What ever you have done, you have done it.  And you did survive the week!! I’ve just mentally abused myself this week.  Because I haven’t been for a run or been boxing this week I feel like a  moose.  People are looking at me because I look like a pig in make-up.  We had a family engagement meal at the weekend and because as soon as people saw me they said I looked nice, I thought it was a set up.  They have been told to say that, maybe they weren’t but that’s what goes on in my mind.  I’m convinced I’m never enough all the bloody time and I am sick of it.  So today I have woke up and tried to start a fresh with my run.   It was really nice, the sun was rising and everywhere was covered in frost.

If you suffer with mental health, it is a battle.  Because you are fighting it on your own, but only if you don’t tell anyone.   Somebody I used to see suffered terribly with mental health but you would never of guessed.  He looked incredibly strong, huge muscles, big legs, stubbly beard almost like what Disney portrays as a hero type figure! you would expect him to catch you from a tree!  Anyway this guy got on the train with his bike and stumbled around.  It was a busy time of day and people where huffing and puffing as some people do,  he was getting his heckles up and mouthed off to them.  He could feel himself burning up with rage and tuned his back.  This was a big deal,  getting on a busy train, with his bike and venturing out.  What I am getting at because he wasn’t in a wheelchair, on Crutcher’s, with a career, in plaster or doing an impression of a singing frog! people just didn’t help out.  No chair was offered, people didn’t move to help or ask if he was ok.  This is why his anger was building up,  he felt angry that nobody could see he was ill, he needed help and all he needed was a smile. I’m totally aware that there are arrogant arseholes out there trust me.  But please be more aware that there are many people out there suffering with an invisible illness.  PTSD, depression, cancer, anxiety, phobias, infertile,  fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, arthritis, stress,  the list goes on and on and on.   So if someone is acting a bit peculiar just chill and do what you feel is right but don’t make their day any worse than it already might be.

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I will always have this invisible illness but I’m hoping now I am on the right medication I will be able to manage a lot better.  I’m not self harming and haven’t for a while now. Today I am just getting through Monday and I will deal with Tuesday tomorrow! Look after yourselves, eat your greens and dunk a biscuit in your tea.

Lots of Love.

Kate xxxx

 

 

Be happy with a C

Evening all,

How’s everybody’s week been? On the whole mine has been quite good. Id say out of 7 days I had 5 great care free days and two not so care free, one in particular. Why? well there is always a reason with anxiety.  It comes and smacks you in the face when you are expecting it! and I was expecting it.   I was away this weekend and I was really looking forward to and didn’t want anything to ruin it.  So what if it did? what if I got ill? and that’s my biggie.  So I suppose I try and make myself feel ill! because “it is going to happen right?” So the sore throat starts, my temp went high and yes I did that all myself because us humans are clever and then I didn’t realise how clever I was, my hubby came down with a cold!! this anxiety is powerful shit, I can make people have my worries.  Just pure coincidence obviously! The day before I  was due to go I was shaking like mad,  breathing was terrible and I just felt terrible.  I even wanted to cancel  my hair appointment for a curly blow because I didn’t think I’d be able to sit still. But I did. Id just arrived into work, how can I help people when I feel like this? I need to do something quick to get it all out of my body, like a negative detox.  So I wrote this little poem in under 5 minuets. Please click on the link below.

anxiety poem

Alternate Nostril Breath Image

That pretty much sums up my day on Friday! but writing does help a lot, so maybe try it yourself?  I also love this little  breathing technique.  It works a treat ( just make sure you blow your nose beforehand!!)

I am coping a lot better with the kids these days lately.  I don’t get any feelings of dread in the morning or throughout the day I  just feel like being mum and I am happy doing so.  Some days I wanted to lock myself away or just go to bed and not wake up for a month.  I needed peace and with kids especially my two you don’t get peace.  My house resembles a tip, I cook 4 different meals a night whilst splitting up fights, feeding the cat and doing the dishes all whilst the hubby’s sat down because he’s had a hard day!!!! because all I do is watch loose women and drink tea!! ( which I do but he doesn’t need to know this ) but its not just me, it’s not just my house and its not my fault.  No more internalizing.  It is bad for you. But I can only do this on good days.   I was talking with a client this week and we where talking about school grades and the pressures students are under.  When I was a kid getting C was amazing, you’d  passed.  But now apparently that’s not that great.  Its all about the A*,A’s and B’s. How sad and what kind of an example are teachers setting if they are expecting perfection.  I am happy with a C.  It is more achievable,  it’s not perfect but it is something you would be happy with.  Let’s try and have a C life.   Be  happy, laugh, cry, be sad, but be more happy,  do things you like but you have to do some things you don’t  quite like too, eat your greens and then have the cake.   Make your life and days well rounded.

And remember as quick as the anxiety and darkness comes it can go.

Kate xx