So I’m sat here and I’ve decided to write. Its Saturday afternoon I have nothing planned, the house is a mess with just toys, odd socks and empty cups of tea. The kids have friends around and I’m sat down with a Green tea listening to the Radio and talking to you!! If this was say 5 months ago I wouldn’t be sat here with an empty mind quite happily embracing the mess, I would be crying, tidying, making sure the house is perfectly fit for any surprising visitors and Id be doing all of this thinking about either chucking myself down the stairs or just walking out the house and never returning. Mad hey. A lot has changed, I’m feeling good and a friend said to me this morning over a cuppa “You look like the old Kate” was good to hear and as soon as she said that I realised I felt it. It had just happened!! So this week it has been brought to my attention the stress kids are under with their GCSEs. Its bonkers, when I was in school if you got a C it was celebrated, you had passed! But now a C is still a pass but it just isn’t good enough. How sad. God I think I only got one C maybe two? I’ve got no idea but according to my CV I got six!! a good blag never hurt anyone! I wasn’t an academic person, a lot of my friends weren’t either. All I cared about was making people laugh even if it meant getting sent out of class, lunchtime and home time! then meeting mates outside the sweetshop and arranging to “Tap off” with a certain lad!!! Then I went on to college and did a pile of stuff I didn’t want to do and lasted 5 minuets there. So into the big wide world of getting £4 an hour and playing on a till!! Ok I know this isn’t a great example, but if I hadn’t of done that I wouldn’t of met my hubby, gone down the path of depression or had my kids young. This was my lesson in life and Its the one I’ve learnt the most in. It sounds like I’m happy with going down the depression route, which in a strange way I am. Its got me to where I am today, It has made me a better person, good friend and very empathic and understanding. But I’m e I’m only saying this because I’m currently well and feeling good. If its a dark time I wont be thankful for it. I’m lonely, scared and hate everybody and everything but mainly myself. The GCSE time for me was the time I first began to get ill, not because of stress because trust me I wasn’t, but Just because a few of my friends where quite well off, they where going places and as shallow as it is, they were all tall, slim and pretty. I was far from that at that age. And we all know how important it is the “Fit in” I had red Dr Martins and round colourful glasses!! So yes make sure you are revising if you are of that age its important, It makes applying for jobs easier, your future easier and life in general doors just open a lot easier. BUT and its a big but, if you fail that doesn’t mean you are a failure. If you get a D or an F you are still an A*. These grades don’t define you as a person they just reflect the amount of work you put in that’s all. You can resit if you like, get a job or go back to college when you are older and know exactly what it is you want to do. Your lesson might not be in the class room, it may be outside in the fresh air, inside with a paintbrush and creating art, it may be with your trainers on and bottle of water or you may have a flare or eye for hair, make-up, design, people or travelling and seeing the world. Who knows but there is a lot out there. Life is a funny thing. And I suppose I’m a odd character! Id rather sit on a park bench with a homeless drunk and hear about his or her day than a stuck up tit in a suit with no life experience!
Some things that some people have been through are tragic, dark and down right devastating. There is no magic cure for that. You will never get over such traumatic experiences, but you will learn to live with them. All you can do is start small. Day by day. Breath, drink plenty of fluids, eat small portions, lay off the booze and drugs if you’re self medicating and more important…..talk.
How can you make your life better? How could you feel happier? Life isn’t about being strong, and I don’t see anyone as weak. We all have had our own battles. Talk about it, face it, tell someone, tell your doctor, take medication if its what you want, don’t take medication if you don’t want, get moving, don’t dwell, make the best of what you can and except that whatever you are is enough.
Be Just as nice to yourself as you would with your friends.
You deserve it……unless you’re a shit!